5 weeks pregnant

So it’s official!! 5 weeks. There’s no mistaking the tests. I’ve had almost every test and machine tell me so!! Lines have progressed nicely.

Bloods have been done to confirm all is ok. Thyroid, progesterone, and hcg all tested and all normal. Hcg (the pregnancy hormone) is rising nicely. So now we wait. 

Scan is booked for 27th April. We’ll be 6weeks and 5days. We lost the last bub at 6weeks and 4days. So fingers crossed to a nice heartbeat at the scan!! 

I’m holding my breath until then!! 

BFP

Now I’ve finally got my bfp yesterday it’s started to sink in! But the absolute utter terror in my heart!! 

I’m paying for private blood tests to check my levels today. And make sure everything is ok so far. 

Last time I got my bfp at 10/11dpo this time I must have implanted late because I got it at 15dpo and on the machine it only gave me the “pregnant” today at 16dpo!!! Crazy!!! 

Bloods today, 6 weeks scan in two weeks and then once I’m back from holiday another scan around 8 weeks.... THEN I’ll breathe!! 

And we got this amazing news 3 days before puppy arrives!! So I have three weeks off to let this little bean get comfy and a nice holiday!!! 

OMG! IT HAPPENED

I don’t know how!!! But it worked! BFP!! 

Third cycle!!! BFN from 8dpo-14dpo and 15dpo TWO LINES!!

The sadness has stopped....

So finally I feel the sadness has stopped. I feel at peace. Don’t get me wrong, I miss being pregnant and I miss my baby, but it’s not all the time and it’s not dark. I struggled to smile, to see a future, now I can. 

I’m not sure if it’s because the puppy arrives in 10 days and I can focus my maternal love on him, or if my hormones have rebalanced, or if it’s because we did all we could this month, or if time is just a great healer. But whatever the reason I smile again now and mean it, I think of other things, I’m excited about the future, and the puppy and the holiday and all the things I was dreading before. And I know it WILL happen. I will get my rainbow baby. I WILL hold it in my arms and I know that it WILL be soon. 

So to all of those out there who have been through this or are going through an mc, it DOES get easier. I promise. It may seem like it won’t, it may seem like there’s no point in getting out of bed, but it does slowly get better and for me it was one day. I went to sleep having had a massive meltdown and a cry and I woke up to the cloud having lifted. I hope for all of you this day comes for you too. 

Test day tomorrow

So I’m currently 8dpo. I was going to wait until 10dpo but I had the tiniest amount of pink cm yesterday. I had implantation bleeding with my last bfp so one can only hope. 

Firs the first time I feel calm, a little excited, but relaxed. I feel like this is our month. We did absolutely everything we could. I would be lovely if 3 time lucky though right? But I feel no major breakdown is needed. I feel good. And if it’s not this month then it could be next month. But if it is this month, it will be due 18th December. Exactly 11 months after my erpc which says something. 

So wish me luck.. because tomorrow could be a big day!! (Or it could be too early and it may be a couple days later)

The crazy stages of a cycle

I find myself with a range of emotions throughout the month and cycle.

AF - so sad that we haven’t caught

Cd4-5 - angry that other people have it so easy 

Cd6-8 - positive and I create plans and add things to try with this cycle

Cd9-cd14 - proactive and stressing about ovulation and frantically convincing a tired OH to DTD

Cd15-cd20 - analysing every non symptom and convincing myself that, even though we haven’t had sex nearly enough, I’m definitely pregnant and testing from 8dpo

Cd20-cd26 - turning into a miserable loon because I definitely am not pregnant because test are all negative and then stressing out until utter misery hits if AF.

And EVERY month my other half has to deal with this. 

This month however I feel is a little better. My hormones have levelled out a little more, my cycle seems back to normal. We’re on cd14 possible ovulation. We’re in day 6 of our 10day marathon. And I feel good. We’ve hit every possible day. Ovulation is yesterday or today. Chart looks good. I feel relaxed. I’m going to try natural progesterone cream and pineapple core in this TWW. And if we haven’t caught this month, I know there is NOTHING else we could have done! 

DTD Marathon?

So I’m currently day three of our 10 day marathon.

I’ve been massively upset recently and it’s been nice to have something else to focus on. First OHs birthday and now fun ways to keep DTD interesting to ensure the longevity of the 10day stint.

We’ve thrown in a few new positions, and now I’m sat with my legs up the wall hoping that his guys get up there well. NO idea if it works or not, but we’ll see! Also reading conflicting advice re DTD every day vs every other day. But OH doesn’t seem to have an issue with swimmers, so we figured hey let’s try every day for 10 days. 

He never actually got tested. He was booked in for the Tuesday and the Saturday before I got my BFP. So he never went to get his swimmers checked. If no bfp in a couple of months he may have to go get checked.