Mothers Day

What a wonderful day with such horrible undertones for me. I love my mum. She's my inspiration. So today is all about her (except she has gone on holiday! so i celebrated with her yesterday). But I was going to be a mum later this year. So i had imagined (up until a 6 weeks ago) that this mothers day would be different.

It probably didn't help that my OH asked me what his son should but his mum for Mothers Day. And wanted me to go and help choose it. And i watched his son trot off today with his card, and flowers and present for his mummy, to wish her Happy Mothers Day, whilst i sat alone in the house.

So I spent today with my best friend. Who has two beautiful children. (one of whom is my god baby) I was handed, by her, my 'Happy Godmummy Day' present. For which i had no words. Utterly precious gift. My daffodils sit pride of place on my kitchen island with their little yellow bow, but the pain of the reality set in as her little face looked up at me, and my heart breaks that i may never have a little one hand me flowers. And i may never get the chance to be told 'Happy Mothers Day'.

So many little things in life that once we such a happy occasion, can suddenly be flipped on their head to a difficult day just because of an incident.

So to all of you out there, with kids, without kids, pregnant, or having suffered a loss.... Happy Mothers Day. You all deserve it. I for one know i'm a mummy, just without a baby right now.