The Story So Far

So our TTC journey started just over a year ago. We had a few months of casually not trying, not preventing where we basically got drunk and forgot to pull out! And who was i kidding... i'm a class A control freak! So this casual stuff lasted all of about 2 months! We then had a couple of months following apps of when i was supposedly ovulating.

Instantly i decided i was broken, and i was out of balance and we defo weren't ever going to have a baby! *meltdown no1* i booked in immediately for a blood test to check all hormone levels. Of course they came back normal. After a few months of negative tests and totally being disheartened i decided to up my game. My other half is of course totally unworried... he's had a kid he's confident all will go well. By this point we're up to August. The apps are obviously not working, so i decide to start doing opks and tracking bbt. A TOTALLY new world to me.

Its one of those worlds that you never assume you will enter. You're told constantly in your younger years that you can get pregnant so easily and then you get into your 30's and decide to have a baby and suddenly its not happening.... and if you're anything like me panic sets in. Sheer terror that you may not have a child, that you'll be left empty and life isn't worth it.... cue *meltdown no2*

I'll explain a little more about BBT and opks in the next couple of posts... but i basically forked out for a Clear Blue Advanced Fertility Monitor and a book called 'Taking Charge of Your Fertility' by Toni Weschler. Its the best book i've ever read. I started reading up of things, and noticed that i could answer almost any question to friends about fertility and how it all works and i was mind blown!

So anyway. After 4 cycles of tracking my temps opks, legs up after sex, cutting out alcohol, caffeine, fast food, or anything unhealthy, using Fertile Check fertility gel, taking ever pill under the sun, i gave up, had a month of doing what i want and finally we got those two lines! a BFP... we were pregnant.... it was just before Christmas. I was over the moon, we both were. Baby due August. Best news ever....

So we came up with all these cute ways of announcing, to my parents, to his parents, to his son. Which we did and everyone was over the moon. My parents especially as it would be their first grandchild.

And then my world was blown apart! Destroyed! Like a pain i've never felt before. We lost the baby!